Advice from an Unapologetic hot mess of a mama.
An old co-worker of mine who just had her first baby reached out to me for advice the other day. Yes, you read that right. Someone reached out to ME for ADVICE?!
I consider myself to be a complete hot mess of a mother, so I was both infinitely flattered and completely shocked by my friends request.
I thought I was being pretty transparent on social media, but after some review I can see how she might have been lead to believe I have my life together. With all the posts of me and my handsome honey, two cute kids, pumping on the job, working on my masters degree; I guess I do seem pretty dang impressive. (excuse me while I dust off my shoulders.)
What you don’t see on social media is the me who is sleep and shower deprived, at midnight, finishing an assignment for class which is already past due and then laying down in bed only to be woken up 45 minutes later by a hungry baby. You also miss out on the scene of me walking in late to work the next day in all of my hot mess mom glory, messy bun on my head and coffee in my hand, ready to struggle through another day at the office.
For all the hot mess mom moves I make, I still think in some way I have a handle on this whole motherhood thing, all because of one little word: grace.
Google describes grace as as “courteous goodwill”.
Motherhood is by far the most difficult thing I have ever done. Its hard every day: when I’m at work, when I’m at home, on the bad days and even on the good ones. I’ve never felt so strong and so cripplingly inadequate and somehow it all exists in the same space and time.
And so GRACE. You need it. Your partner needs it. Heck, even your mother-in-law needs it!
Grace is what has showed me how to get though the tough days and just focus on what is truly important.
At the end of the day, if my family is happy, well cared for and well loved, no matter what else may be falling apart, I did my job.
When people say things like, “enjoy this time, it goes by so fast” to a new parent what they mean is, “its ok to let everything else go and just focus on your baby and finding your new normal”.
So don’t worry about the fact that your hair has been in a bun for 3 months or that you simply didn’t have time for mascara this morning. Ignore the pile of dishes in the sink and be late a few times if you need to.
Next time you feel like you aren’t doing enough: stop, take a deep breath and give yourself grace to let go of the guilt over not being able to “do it all”. Nobody can do it all, so just do what you can.