Intimacy Check-Up: 3 Areas to Discuss with Your Partner

Physical connection is such an important part of a healthy relationship but how do you make sure you are both happy? Start with a healthy, loving conversation covering "F.Q.V."

Life as a mom can be so busy and sometimes making time for intimacy is hard and you’re exhausted. I am a mom of five working two jobs, so I can relate! Remember those butterflies when you first met your partner? If you are having on-going conversations about your intimacy with each other you can make sure they stay alive.


Start with a conversation covering these three things: Frequency, Quality, and Variety.

  • Frequency: Ask each other what your ideal number of “times” makes you feel like you are in-sync with each other? How close are your numbers to each other? If they are off then where is the happy medium that you both can commit?

These are just questions to get you started on your intimacy check-up.

  • Quality: Are you both happy with the quality of your intimacy right now? What are things that you enjoy? Things you wish you were different? This is a great time to share with each other how much you enjoy each other and how intimacy makes you feel.

Intimacy looks different for every couple. If you want to be romanced, then talk about what that looks like for you. For some, it is a nice dinner out. For others, it just means that you didn’t have to cook dinner.


If you aren’t satisfied with how things are, sometimes, right now is the time to talk about it.

  • Variety: It’s the spice of life. How many times do you hear about relationships ending because the intimacy got boring? Sadly, too many. This is an opportunity to discuss things you would like to try differently that are in both of your comfort zones.

These conversations may feel awkward in the beginning and that’s O.K.! They will get more comfortable over time. When you end this conversation, you should walk away feeling like you have really taken the time to listen to each other and that you have focused on a key part of a relationship.


How often should you do a check-up? As often as needed. For us it’s an open topic for our weekly meetings we have together. When we feel this area is off, we bring it up because we know it’s a safe conversation to have. Just remember to always come from a place of love!

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