When you start dating someone, people always ask, “When are you getting married?” When you get married, the first thing people ask is, “When are you having kids?” Then once you have one kid, it’s “When are you going to have another?” That last question has been coming to my husband and I a lot since our son will be two in January. I’m going to get real with all of you now... which I think people tend to keep quiet on this topic: Miscarriages. October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month, and I’d like to shed some light for people who may be struggling.
In February of this year, my husband and I started talking about trying for another baby. I have always been in tune with my body, so I knew when I was ovulating. We were shocked to get pregnant the first month we started trying. The joy that you feel getting that positive test is unlike anything else. You start picturing your sweet family of four and if it’s a girl or boy. The long anticipation until the first appointment at 8 weeks is terrible. All you want to do is see your baby!
I’ll never forget the day. I was in a meeting with my business partner and had to leave because of some bleeding. I was 8 weeks pregnant. I went to the ER, where my husband met me. We were terrified. They took us back for an ultrasound. We heard the little heart beat, but they could not explain the bleeding. The sent us home with a “threatened miscarriage.” That night, I miscarried our baby. It was like nothing you can explain to someone who has never had one. I won’t go into these details with you, but it was awful.
We were devastated. How can this happen? Why? What’s wrong with me? All these questions came up. Nothing. Nothing was wrong, something just wasn’t right.
Fast forward to this month. October 2nd. Second miscarriage. It’s even hard writing this out as I’m still sad. Eight weeks to the day, again. We heard the heartbeat the morning of the 2nd, and within two hours I was miscarrying.
I don’t know why this keeps happening, but I do know that we need people to lean on. We also believe this needs to be talked about. 1 in 4 women have a miscarriage.
Before you ask "the" question to someone who doesn’t have kids, or maybe has one, think about where they might be in their journey. You never know what people are struggling with. Talk about it, cry about it. It’s a sad and terrible thing to go through. I’ve relied a lot on my faith to get me through this. God has a plan. That doesn’t make it any easier, but BELIEVE He is in your corner. Share your story, you might have someone who’s hurting reach out to you. And Pray. Pray harder than you ever have. I pray for strength to keep trying and for the beautiful family I already have. I pray that we can all stay in the moment and appreciate the life we have and the journey we’re on. I don’t know the plan God has for my family, but I do know He has one, and I’ll see why this was worth the wait. A double rainbow will be in our future. 🌈🌈
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." -Jeremiah 29:11