I met my first baby when she was just 5 days old. She was conceived by a junkie and my future husband. I had no idea I was going to be a mother until I met her. In fact even as I met her my heart immediately fell in love while my brain was confused by it all. Here was this perfect little baby that had been abandoned by the one person that was supposed to love and protect her. Not only had she been abandoned, but she had not been protected and was born an addict.
The guy I swear is a great guy. He didn’t know the girl had a substance abuse issue and believed that she was on birth control. He also at the time of conception hadn’t even thought about dating me. We were friends and by the time we did start dating she was already 6 months pregnant and actually had just informed him of his new title of dad. It was a bit messy to say the least.
Even with all the what if’s and the fact that we were totally unprepared and still didn’t even know if we were an actual we - we both loved this sweet little girl. Let me tell you without a marriage certificate a guy is no one in the eyes of the law. He had to jump through many hoops to prove he was not only her dad but sober as well. We fought long and hard for him to get custody of our baby. We had to hire a private investigator, go to court several times, parenting classes, pay for paternity and drug tests. It was a lot of time, effort, and money, while she (the egg donor as we call her) didn’t have to do a thing. She had no consequences for any of her actions.
Then there was my part. If I could have I would have adopted her immediately and called it a day. But things don’t work that way. Even though I was the one raising this baby as my own, to the law I wasn’t anyone. This caused major stress and panic in my everyday life. The fear that someone can take your baby away at any moment is heart wrenching. I finally felt at peace when a judge signed off to have the egg donors rights severed. It was a good day but we still weren’t done.
With room to breathe we focused on our family and each other. We loved each other so much and though things were new and moving quickly we didn’t hold back. We bought a house together, got married, and just lived happily. After the wedding we got a lawyer and started the process for me to legally adopt my baby. We were told most judges wouldn’t sign off on the adoption until we had been married a year. My heart sunk again. I couldn’t wait a year. Even though I knew she was mine, I needed the rest of the world to know too.
We sent in the paperwork anyways. And as if it was meant to be we ended up with the same judge that severed the girl’s rights to begin with. Nine months after the day we got married, that same judge granted the adoption. It was the happiest day of my life.
This is our story. How we became a family. I may not have carried her in my womb but I was always meant to be her mother. She was made for me.
The stress is mostly gone but still one fear lingers. How will she react when she knows the truth? Will she still look at me like I’m her super hero? Will she still need me for everything? Will she still love me like only a daughter could love her mom? Time will tell. Until that day comes I will continue to love her unconditionally, fiercely protect her, and teach her to be a strong smart woman. Hopefully by the time she learns her story, it won’t matter that I didn’t birth her with my body, because my heart did.