My baby is turning 1: Why am I so Emotional?

Seems like just yesterday when I met my daughter for the first time. I can remember the entire day and night leading up to her arrival, so vividly, it seems hard to believe that it was almost a year ago (*ALMOST – I am still desperately clinging to this ‘baby-phase’ – even in my semantics*). If I am being completely honest, her first year went entirely too fast, it almost seems unfair. I realize and acknowledge that having a healthy baby and seeing that child grow up to be healthy and happy is all we can ask and hope for as parents, which, do not get me wrong, I am so beyond grateful to have that. Yet, despite that, with my little one’s first birthday rapidly approaching (about six weeks away, but, hey who is counting anyways?), I cannot help but feel a little bit sad. Am I the only one?

It seems like only yesterday, she turned one month old or had ‘solids’ for the first time. As I think back and reflect on this year, including the challenges that come with having a newborn, I turn to mush. I become overwhelmed with joy and love because this truly was the best year of my life. Even when I think of those challenging early days, weeks, and months, including the sleepless nights, the exhausting feeding sessions, and the countless number of days where I was not sure if I had even brushed my teeth (gross, I know); still, my brain can only equate this time to the feelings of love, joy, and happiness. Sometimes, if I listen hard enough; I can still hear her first coos and all those delicious baby sounds and noises they make in those wee-early days. Surely, there is some sort of mistake, it has not been a full year since I brought my baby home from the hospital.

Oh, but it has…

Of course, she is doing and saying all sorts of fun things that you would expect from a gal her age, including saying things that sound close to the words “mama” and “baby”, which makes my heart melt and my knees weak (seriously, ha!). She is also starting to develop her own little personality, she is funny, silly, and smiley. Oh, and apparently the apple really does not fall far from the tree- because she has an independent streak, just like her mother. She is determined to try and do everything by herself, without any help from mom and dad, which breaks my heart a little bit. Even though she does not know how to do a lot of things, in general, much less, by herself, I know it is part of her development and growing-up, so I must try to accept this and let go, even if just a little bit. Not to mention my heart broke, a little bit more, when I realized my little baby is not so little anymore. One of my favorite parts of motherhood, and well the best part of my day, is when she first wakes up in the morning and I walk into her room. She is always SO smiley and happy in the morning and she has been that way since day one, which always warms my heart and makes me smile from ear to ear. Oddly enough, it was this favorite daily activity, that really solidified my little baby is growing up. One morning when she first woke-up, she was no longer just lying on her back, giggling and smiling, she was in fact, standing-up in her crib… standing-up and ready to rumble (still smiling)…where did the time go?

Truth be told, I am emotional because not only was it truly a special year, but, and again, it also seems like it went by way too fast. Does having children make the time go faster?

All I know is that I completely immersed myself into motherhood, the good, the bad, the ugly; all of it.

And this year flew by. That is not to say that I did not find it challenging at times, I did, I still do, and well that is because it can be, challenging, at times. And this year STILL flew by. My advice to anybody with a newborn baby, cherish this time, make the most of this time, the good and the bad, all of it, because it will be over before you know it.

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