Updated: Aug 28, 2019
As a mom, when you’re overwhelmed and drowning you do your best to face the world with a smile. You can’t let anyone know just how not together you have things. Finally, when you do speak up and ask for help often those you ask don’t even get it. They don’t know how depressed you are. How you cry when no one is around. How you yell at your children and take it out on your husband.
This is how life went after I weaned my daughter. I was in a roller coaster state of emotions that I couldn’t control. When I tried to find information on what was going on with me, I mostly found that women were sad when weaning because their baby was growing up. But for me that wasn’t the case. I wasn’t sad that I would no longer breast feed, I was excited to have my body back. My body just wasn’t cooperating with my excitement.
The more I continued my research to find an answer to why I was suddenly feeling like a lunatic, I found that I had post weaning depression. It made sense. Everyday my body had major surges of oxytocin while my daughter nursed. On top of that my body still had many of the intense hormonal imbalances that were similar to being pregnant. My body was now dealing with having to make itself happy without all that oxytocin plus my hormones were trying to get back to normal. It’s no wonder I couldn’t keep it together.
The hardest part of this was that my daughter was 15 months. Telling people I was experiencing a form of postpartum didn’t even register with them. It was as if I was the only person in the world to experience such emotions this late in the game of having a baby. So instead of trying to explain and be vulnerable I suffered in silence.
Finally I reached out to another #blogger that I knew had gone through postpartum depression after her daughter was born. Not entirely the same thing but close enough. I needed to know what she did, how did she cope with life and help her body get back to normal. She sent a list of suggestions. From essential oils, therapy, vitamins, exercise, and even prescribed medications. I decided to try one of the herbal remedies she suggested, 5htp.
For me I knew time was key to my situation, but I needed a little help to speed up the process. After a few weeks of taking the 5htp, I started to feel less crazy and more like my old self. I also feel that as time went on my hormones started to level out.
While taking supplements worked for me, I think the biggest thing was sharing my pain with someone who understood. If you are experiencing depression, anxiety, crazy roller coaster emotions - you are not alone! Even if no one understands or listens, keep trying till you find someone that does!
Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable, to be a good mom you have to also be good to yourself. Give yourself grace mama and get help.