Imagine being thrown into a 24 hour a day/ 7 day a week job without any training, supervision, a boss or mentor to ask questions of and there’s not only no paycheck, but you also are tasked with keeping a mini human alive.
Sound fun? Welcome to parenthood!
Parenting is up there among the most stressful things we as adults are charged with. To be constantly making decisions based on very little information or experience is a terribly stressful process that’s both mentally and physically taxing.
But your parenting stress doesn’t exist in a vacuum. It impacts everyone around you.
Let me give you an example. My husband and I have a really good relationship – until rain begins to pour outside. Now thankfully in Phoenix we have 300 days of sun each year, but on those dreary wet days the rain wreaks havoc on us and our white dogs.
I feel the stress bubbling up in me knowing that the dogs will choose to use my home as a toilet rather than go outside and my husband gets equally as stressed feeling the need to clean the house up immediately. So then I find myself upset that he is upset, and I’m short tempered with the kids who feel my tension and get mad at the dogs. And the cycle continues. Stress can really snowball within a family.
So how do you avoid a similar situation? It begins with you.
As moms, we have to deal with our own stress so that we can help those on our team (our family) to not be so stressed. While the last thing you need is more pressure, you do have to learn to put yourself first.
We moms typically put everyone else’s needs ahead of our own. We think we are doing everyone a favor by being everyone’s everything, but in reality we are setting our family up for a possible snowball situation like was described above.
Why? Let’s replay that scene again only this time let’s imagine that I (the mom) am super calm and serene.
Instead of getting stressed, I could have taken some deep breaths, reminded myself that it rarely rains in Phoenix and we will get through this. Feeling more relaxed, I could have offered to clean up the above problem. Now my husband is not angry and is on time for work. I am calm and consequently my kids are calm and the dogs get a nice pat on the head.
Instead of seeing this as adding pressure to mom’s role, think about how you, as the mom, will feel once you are taking care of you! You will be happy, peaceful and joyful. You will have no guilt and you’ll be doing the things you love to do while still taking care of your family and building a life you love. Sound good?
Stopping the cycle is a win/win for everyone. Try it for a month and you’ll likely discover that you’re on the road to discovering your very best self and a great team in the process.
Are you feeling overwhelmed by the stresses of juggling family/work/life in general? Do you feel under-appreciated and like you’re living a series of #momfails? You’re not alone, and it’s time to stop that vicious cycle and take control of your life.
As a Certified Professional Integrative Coach and a Mom of three girls who’s worked many years in the mental health field as a social worker, I have a unique perspective on how to kick the parenting guilt and negative self talk. Together, we’ll make an action plan for change. Step by step, you will begin to feel fulfilled in parenthood and in life. We will reignite the feeling that you’re a priority in a way that’s always supportive, never judgmental.