The Mother in Law I'll Never Know

The lump in my throat was so painful. I swallowed hard and fought to keep my tears back. My husband and I were discussing his mother’s side of the family. I had been stressing about them not coming to events and he mentioned how he wished I didn’t stress, that it wasn’t worth it.

When he saw the tears building in my eyes he asked what was wrong. I couldn’t speak but I knew. I was crying for the mother in law I’d never know. For the grandma that would never be able to love on my babies.

So often I hear friends speak of their mother in laws in annoyed ways. They complain about something they did or said, the way they treat them, the way they do things for the kids that they wish they wouldn’t, and the list goes on. Each time I hear these complaints I can only think well at least you have this other parent. Someone to care about you, your husband, and especially your children.

It’s weird but I have spoken to her, just alone out loud to her ashes that reside in and old china hutch that was once hers. This outdated hutch that my husband refuses to let me diy because it reminds him of life with her.

Back to those tears, I couldn’t bring myself to tell him that I too mourn her. How could I possibly cry over a women I didn’t even know? I felt ridiculous saying it out loud, especially to him. A man who’s heart ached daily and has since the young age of 22. My husband is not one to share emotion, but when it comes to her I have seen his pain.

He often says things like, “if my mom was here she’d watch the girls” or “she would love to come to their...” and so when her own family can’t make time to fill her void it of course angers me. That’s their job as her sisters. My husband may be an adult but he is newly navigating parenthood and we all know that’s when you really need your mother.

To the mother in-law I never had the chance to meet, I hope you can see your grand babies. I hope you can see that your son is doing a great job at raising two little girls. I hope you can see that you are missed by all of us and we love you.

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