The Penis Post

PC: Nicole Bowman Photography

Six tips for all the penis action if you have little boys (I have three). And yes, we call it a penis at our house:

  1. They touch it all. the. time – while brushing teeth, talking, eating, etc. No one really knows why. It appears to be natural, unless you’re a girl, then it’s dumbfounding.

  2. When putting sweet baby boy in a diaper, be sure to aim the penis down. Otherwise, while sweet baby is sleeping that diaper will leak, no matter which brand you choose. This is especially true when they are toddlers and preschoolers and are wearing one diaper all night.

  3. While falling and landing on the penis area looks painful, it is apparently not too bad until they are around 3 or 4. I have no clue why this is the case. They don’t even know it’s supposed to hurt until the day that it does. So don’t panic when your one-year old lands straddled on a climbing structure.

  4. Pee will be everywhere around, on, in the toilet. It doesn’t matter if you use the “floating target” method to try to get them to aim in the toilet. Unless you plan to be in there every time to drop a piece of circular cereal into the toilet, just forget it. Discuss, remind, point out, scream, yell, whatever you choose. Just don’t expect it to change.

  5. This one is a plus – little boys can pee anywhere. It’s the greatest weapon in your potty training battle. “You don’t want to go potty, Johnny? Well, how about if we go outside and you can pee in the rocks?” “Yay!” says Johnny. Use this weapon to your advantage. My boys have drowned entire colonies of ants with one well-timed pee bribe.

  6. If you have boys close in age, another fun activity is the “sword fight.” Never heard of it? Ask your husband. He knows. In our house the version involves peeing into the toilet at the same time and making “cling-clang” sounds whenever the pee streams meet, just like sword fighting. Also an effective potty training tool.

And remember, these sweet little boys will grow up to be husband some day, so maybe don’t completely give up on the pee-on-the-toilet issue. Your future daughter-in-law will appreciate it.

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